I spend a lot of time on the internet and with the pseudo-psychology and self-help boom on social media, I’ve seen a lot of people promoting the idea that “you don’t owe anyone anything.”
I agree, to an extent. You don’t owe people your time when they’re exploiting your good nature. You don’t owe people a listening ear when they dump their issues on you and never listen in return. You don’t owe people your energy when they don’t respect your humanity.
You don’t owe people any part of yourself…right?
I think the mindset that we don’t owe anyone anything has led to our extremely individualistic culture which is the main reason we have issues like climate change. When we don’t believe we owe anyone anything, we don’t take care of anything that doesn’t directly benefit us. It becomes easier to brush away our personal responsibility if we never have to see the consequences. If you believe you don’t “owe” anyone, you won’t pick up your trash — literally and metaphorically.
Your home, your neighborhood, town, city, state, workplace, religious institution, any clubs or organizations you are a part of — these are communities you do owe something to. Very few people — if any — live truly independently. And at some point, whether you asked to be part of the community or not, you owe it to the people around you to do your best.
I work at a camp, so I live in a house with five other people and share a common living space with 11 people. Sometimes it takes some concerted effort to make it work without the entire house imploding. But in general, it’s an incredibly healthy community. We check on each other. We help each other out. We wash our own dishes — and whoever else’s were left in the sink. We all do chores to keep our community spaces clean. We bake treats to share and pick up food for each other when we run into town. If someone goes to the store, they ask if anyone needs them to get anything while they’re there. We assume the best of each other. When there are dishes piled up or the dryer breaks, we don’t blame anyone. We’re all human and the community accounts for that. Do we “owe” each other that grace?
I think we do.
“We’re all just walking each other home.” – Ram Dass
If I was the only person who washed other people’s dishes, perhaps I would feel differently. But there have been many times when I have scarfed breakfast on my way out the door and come back to find my dishes washed. When I ask for help, I receive it. No one begrudges me their time when I ask for help writing a lesson plan or when I need to swap classes because I don’t have the energy to lead a campfire with 30 middle schoolers. And because I am so incredibly supported in whatever I need at that moment, I feel empowered and strengthened to offer help when I have the capacity to give it. Do I “owe” my friends that aid when it has been freely given to me? Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me anymore.
I’m not focused on keeping score.
I’m focused on making the community the best it can be. And offering help freely is one way of doing that.
Sometimes you’re too weary, heartbroken, depressed or confused to help. The human experience is complex. It’s okay to need rest — you won’t be able to offer 100% all of the time. But to never offer anything at all?
The world would be a dark place if we never looked out for each other. If you were to find a turtle lying on its back, little legs flailing, would you set it right or would you say, “I don’t owe this turtle my time”? You’d probably help it without a second thought. You have the power to do good and you do it without wondering what the personal cost would be. When it comes to flipping a turtle, the cost is probably only a few seconds of your time. There are many other things we can do to benefit our world that also take only a few seconds of our time, with minimal effort.
“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.” – Proverbs 3:27
When there are dirty dishes in the sink and you’re washing your own plate, wash a few extra items. Kindness and generosity make the world so much better when we give freely, whether you owe it or not.
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