It’s 2023. It’s here. Deep breath.
Look how far you’ve made it.
Every year, as the new year approaches, we find ourselves repeating our grandmothers’ phrases – “where has the time gone?” “I can’t believe another year is already over.” “Time is flying.”
The passage of time has always been a sticking point for my brain. I feel like I consistently find myself either enjoying a moment so much I want it to last forever, or feeling so miserable that I can’t wait for time to pass and carry the feeling with it. Lately, the feeling of running out of time has hounded me. No matter what I do, it’s not enough, and it’s not fast enough. I have to remind myself that I do have enough time and that what I do accomplish matters, no matter how small it is.
Have you ever been on a moving sidewalk in an airport? They’re horizontal escalators – you step on and it gets you from A to B without you taking another step (unless you’re in a hurry, in which case, walk on the left side and say “excuse me” when you pass people).
I think of time like that. Once you’re on, you can’t get off until you reach the end. In many ways, I see this never-ending forward movement as a blessing. If I had to choose when to move forward, knowing there was pain in my future, I never would. I am conscious of at least some of the struggles ahead of me. I am afraid of them. But I don’t have the option of getting off the sidewalk, so I’m moving forward, however unwilling that movement may be. I am grateful that life doesn’t let me stop.
“The bad news: nothing lasts forever. The good news: nothing lasts forever.” – J. Cole
In some moments, though, I want to stop moving because the moment is so wonderful. I want to hold onto the bliss, the peace, the joy, the laughter, the awe of a moment in time when I forget my worries and simply enjoy being alive. I know more beautiful moments will come but that doesn’t make it easier to let go.
“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” – Andy Bernard
How are we supposed to fully live in the moment? What does that even look like? For me, it looks like putting my phone down. Taking a deep breath. Paying attention to my senses. I’ve discovered that getting enough sleep is a big factor for me. If I’m tired, my brain is too scattered to appreciate anything.
Being present in the moment may look different for you. Maybe try practicing gratitude for the little things in life just as much as the big things. Tell the people you love that you love them, often, even if it feels awkward or weird. You won’t regret making people feel seen and loved.
The harder I try to grasp a season of joy, the less joy I experience. I become too concerned with savoring every moment to actually pay attention to the moment. I am learning how to lessen the pressure I put on myself. Instead of trying to wrap my fist around a moment and make it last, I am learning to open my hand and turn my palm up to the sky. The light is warm. And I know that yes, more pain is coming. But so is unimaginable joy.
The best is yet to come.
